not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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