I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
