Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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