She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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