she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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