He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
