A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize