i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
