just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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