i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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