After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
