I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
