this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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