I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
