I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my poor anus
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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