this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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