Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
3 2 1 whiskey
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
