What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
