saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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