I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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