now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
