Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dick very happy bro
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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