i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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