I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
