WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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