Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
