this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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