If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
