I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize