TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
