theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
