You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
