i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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