STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
