Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
