How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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