Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am midnight drunk by noon
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
