Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
