I am spending my child support on dildos
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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