I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
