I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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