What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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