I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
