I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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