I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
