you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
