At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How external is "for external use only"?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
