So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
