I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
