That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
