im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
