so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
