It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
