Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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