can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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