so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
