you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
