She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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