I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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