When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
