girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
