i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Randomize