If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
