You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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