Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
