FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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