It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
