Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Sponge bath it is.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
