I have demons in me.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
