I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
