I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
