It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize