Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
