is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
