hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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