apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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