Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
