: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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