Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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