FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
