I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
