why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
