it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
