Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
