i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
