Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
