i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
