we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
