Will you blow on my dice?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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