you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
