Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
