I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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