genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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