She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Randomize
