Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
